Hello darling, 4 hours before im flying off and im thinking of you so much.
2 days ago i attempted to break up with you, i wanted to tell you i cant go on anymore at the restaurant. But when i saw you, all my words were swallowed back, i couldnt bear to tell you anything about breaking up, cant bring myself to ever leave this man i love so much. That night u smsed me, 'dear, you know how much you mean to me. I know you will leave me but i dont want to lose you.' I told you for you darling, i'll try my best. After 2 days of no contact, i woke up at 8am to wait for your monday morning msg, waited til 10am and i knew uve forgotten. sigh, u said ure caught up w work, OKAY, i will be understanding.
On sunday night, i went out with edmund fong and his gf. I really envy the way he was so open about his r/s w her, the way he dotes on her, mostly importantly, he has moved out alr and they sometimes sleepover tgt. Maybe that is respect for the gf, who is alr accomodating the fact that he has a family. But i know thats something u can nvr do for me.
Sigh, darling im not happy w you. in fact, im miserable.
but i still cannot let you go, i love you.
With Love,
Stacy
27th June 2011
Monday, 27 June 2011
Friday, 17 June 2011
Closure
Darling im not sure whether you will ever see this blog (becos i may not be telling you about it given that there are actually so little posts accumulated) this is gonna be a long long post i suppose, telling you all my feelings which i dont know whether you care about or not.
Firstly, i must tell you darling i rly love you, probably more than anyone i have loved before. But i know i have to drag myself out of this bad romance, sooner the better because the longer this goes on, the deeper i will fall into this pithole. With you, i cannot feel any love, not even the bare minimum for me to pull through the days without you. I feel that ure just using me as a sex toy really, free sex. Frankly speaking, even when you go KTV or Geylang u also need to pay, but to you, im just as good as free. Outside of the hotel, u treat it as we're just distant friends, i know u made an effort to hold my hand but i also know u feel v uneasy and uncomfortable. It feels that you only want the BEST of me, but not the REST of me. Darling u are my BOYFRIEND, i need recognition and love from you as a boyfriend, we are not just sex partners you know?
I need more attention and effort from you, you told me you will squeeze time to meet me as much as possible in the week, but u merely went for the bare minimum of once per week! Sigh. I know whatever that hurts me will not hurt you, as you said, u have an iron heart, if i exited from your life, im sure u can move on very well, u will not sense the difference in your life, in fact, i think u'd feel a sense of relief that u can finally stop cooking up lies to ur wife.
Remember i asked u before what will happen if i ever left a love bite on you? you told me right in th face that u will break up with me. Did u have any idea how hurt i was at that time? You are always so insensitive towards my feelings. Like how u always msg ur wife when ure in bed with me. You said not being itimate in the public w me is respect for your wife. But do u even respect ME at all? I have to bear all the shit in this r/s. You have the joy in ur life, your wife has her perfect hubby and i have to be the one accomodating everything that happens and provide free sex. Seriously i dont know why am i doing this. Yes i admit i truly love you, but my love is not reciprocated at all i really dno what to do anymore. I have to leave.
Im sorry darling i cant go on anymore.
My last loving to you is to leave you. (hope ure having an enjoyable time now in msia)
With Love,
Stacy
18th June 2011
Firstly, i must tell you darling i rly love you, probably more than anyone i have loved before. But i know i have to drag myself out of this bad romance, sooner the better because the longer this goes on, the deeper i will fall into this pithole. With you, i cannot feel any love, not even the bare minimum for me to pull through the days without you. I feel that ure just using me as a sex toy really, free sex. Frankly speaking, even when you go KTV or Geylang u also need to pay, but to you, im just as good as free. Outside of the hotel, u treat it as we're just distant friends, i know u made an effort to hold my hand but i also know u feel v uneasy and uncomfortable. It feels that you only want the BEST of me, but not the REST of me. Darling u are my BOYFRIEND, i need recognition and love from you as a boyfriend, we are not just sex partners you know?
I need more attention and effort from you, you told me you will squeeze time to meet me as much as possible in the week, but u merely went for the bare minimum of once per week! Sigh. I know whatever that hurts me will not hurt you, as you said, u have an iron heart, if i exited from your life, im sure u can move on very well, u will not sense the difference in your life, in fact, i think u'd feel a sense of relief that u can finally stop cooking up lies to ur wife.
Remember i asked u before what will happen if i ever left a love bite on you? you told me right in th face that u will break up with me. Did u have any idea how hurt i was at that time? You are always so insensitive towards my feelings. Like how u always msg ur wife when ure in bed with me. You said not being itimate in the public w me is respect for your wife. But do u even respect ME at all? I have to bear all the shit in this r/s. You have the joy in ur life, your wife has her perfect hubby and i have to be the one accomodating everything that happens and provide free sex. Seriously i dont know why am i doing this. Yes i admit i truly love you, but my love is not reciprocated at all i really dno what to do anymore. I have to leave.
Im sorry darling i cant go on anymore.
My last loving to you is to leave you. (hope ure having an enjoyable time now in msia)
With Love,
Stacy
18th June 2011
Saturday, 4 June 2011
Hello darling its been a long time since i updated so sorry! ):
Its a sunday again, a no-you day. my my... i miss you so much
i went out for a movie w Hans ytd night (X-men), found out that you were at PML on saturday. Why din you tell me? Or at least drop me a msg since ure not at home. Oh and April was there too. Sigh i dont feel good. I know its stupid to be jealous over other girls given you alr have a wife and all. But i still am ):
I really wish you had more time for me. You promised u'd squeeze time for me but you din. You went for the bare minimum, once per week. Nevermind darling i'll take that. And recently it seems that uve lost interest in me, u dont sms me every morning, u dont tell me u miss me, u dont tell me u love me. I feel so stupid, thinking of you all the time, missing you all the time. I dont know whether i was really ever in ur heart.
Everytime we meet we will have to check in. i dont like it. it feels that ure just using me for sex. really. im only 19, sometimes i hope to have some real couple time too. But i know those are what u cant give. But its okay becos i love you.
Im going to Funan IT Mall at 830pm later to attend a training session for the IT fair.
With Love,
Stacy
5th June 2011
Its a sunday again, a no-you day. my my... i miss you so much
i went out for a movie w Hans ytd night (X-men), found out that you were at PML on saturday. Why din you tell me? Or at least drop me a msg since ure not at home. Oh and April was there too. Sigh i dont feel good. I know its stupid to be jealous over other girls given you alr have a wife and all. But i still am ):
I really wish you had more time for me. You promised u'd squeeze time for me but you din. You went for the bare minimum, once per week. Nevermind darling i'll take that. And recently it seems that uve lost interest in me, u dont sms me every morning, u dont tell me u miss me, u dont tell me u love me. I feel so stupid, thinking of you all the time, missing you all the time. I dont know whether i was really ever in ur heart.
Everytime we meet we will have to check in. i dont like it. it feels that ure just using me for sex. really. im only 19, sometimes i hope to have some real couple time too. But i know those are what u cant give. But its okay becos i love you.
Im going to Funan IT Mall at 830pm later to attend a training session for the IT fair.
With Love,
Stacy
5th June 2011
Sunday, 22 May 2011
SUNDAY.
Darling I just woke up at around 1pm just now. I dont even dream about you no matter how much i miss you, maybe because there isnt much memories of you in my mind.
I'll be going for dinner with Hans at sunset way later, hope you are having a great day.
Sometimes i feel so pathetic updating this blog seriously -.-
No news from you since friday 18:19pm... i am still hoping that the pink light will light up today.
With Love,
Stacy
22nd May 2011
I'll be going for dinner with Hans at sunset way later, hope you are having a great day.
Sometimes i feel so pathetic updating this blog seriously -.-
No news from you since friday 18:19pm... i am still hoping that the pink light will light up today.
With Love,
Stacy
22nd May 2011
WEEKEND.
Honey you know what, i hate weekends, i really do. Because during weekends, you become non-existent in my life. No texts, no nothing. Sometimes i really wonder do you ever think of me, I would be happy enough to receive 1 text from you saying that ure actually thinking of me, missing me.
On another note, darling i cant send a msg reporting to you about my schedule so here it is.
Stayed home til 230pm and met up with my friend cher in town at arnd 4. Walked around and chilled. At night both of us met up with Felix (BMW customer) for a drink before he dropped us at powerhouse at arnd 12am.
You know what? Actually i dont like clubbing and if i could, i would not go. But somehow after i know you clubbing has became something that can help me get my mind off you for awhile. Because if i sleep at 6am, i'd probably wake up in the afternoon on sunday and that cut short the weekend.
Ohyeah Brandon smsed me today to say he was sorry and all. Talked to him for abit with him telling me to let go before it is too late. I told him i know because i am developing evil thoughts that you might be mine one day. But one of his sentence really knocked me awake, back to reality. He said, 'my dear girl, those aint evil thoughts, those are merely NAIVE thoughts.' Yes honey i guess he is right, those are just my wishful thinkings. But tell me how baby, its already too late. I cant stop myself despite knowing this is going no where. Because i love you.
Its 6.28am in the morning now, i shall go to sleep. I hope ure sleeping soundly now.
With Love,
Stacy
22nd May 2011
On another note, darling i cant send a msg reporting to you about my schedule so here it is.
Stayed home til 230pm and met up with my friend cher in town at arnd 4. Walked around and chilled. At night both of us met up with Felix (BMW customer) for a drink before he dropped us at powerhouse at arnd 12am.
You know what? Actually i dont like clubbing and if i could, i would not go. But somehow after i know you clubbing has became something that can help me get my mind off you for awhile. Because if i sleep at 6am, i'd probably wake up in the afternoon on sunday and that cut short the weekend.
Ohyeah Brandon smsed me today to say he was sorry and all. Talked to him for abit with him telling me to let go before it is too late. I told him i know because i am developing evil thoughts that you might be mine one day. But one of his sentence really knocked me awake, back to reality. He said, 'my dear girl, those aint evil thoughts, those are merely NAIVE thoughts.' Yes honey i guess he is right, those are just my wishful thinkings. But tell me how baby, its already too late. I cant stop myself despite knowing this is going no where. Because i love you.
Its 6.28am in the morning now, i shall go to sleep. I hope ure sleeping soundly now.
With Love,
Stacy
22nd May 2011
Friday, 20 May 2011
Intro
Hello darling i dont know whether you'll ever see this blog but today i have decided that i will pen down all my memories with you here. There are just so many things i wish to tell you but i guess i probably dont have the chance. Time is not on our side, there are things i wna tell you but i simply cant do it on the bed, so yeah, here they are...
current mood: missing you.
listening: officially missing you.
You always asked me,'stacy why do you love me? what do you see in me?' I always tell you i dont know what attracts me to you. Truth is i really dont know, but i do have some ideas roughly. Firstly, i have a fetish for older and more matured guys (you must be thinking,'hey im 25!'). I like the fact that ure capable and worked hard for everything you have under your name now (although i dont know what you have under your name exactly). You told me that ur dad was a cab driver and ur mum was a housewife, from then, i admired the way you worked your way up. My dream was always to be with such a man, ambitious, capable and practical. Thirdly, darling i really like the way you look, your eyes, your smile, i love them all, they attract me deeply. I can stare at them my whole life and never get bored. I like the way you smell, the way you hold my hand, the way you act cute, the way ure cute, the way you kiss me, the way u always watch tv, the way... Just the way you are.
However, one point i love and hate is your honesty. Sometimes i wished that you could lie to me. Tell me ure busy with work instead of going home to your wife. Tell me you are smsing your colleague instead of your wife. I also hope that u'd stop emphasizing your daughter is your life (although i know very well, i just dont wna hear it come out of ur mouth so frequently)
I noticed that my msgs always go to your work phone instead of your personal phone. I can completely understand why you do this but sometimes it doesnt feel that good. But i know very well, im always your last priority. But just know ure always my first.
I promised myself that i would never let a guy affect my eating and sleeping patterns anymore after i broke up with chester. For you, i guess i would have to break that promise. You have totally invaded into my life, mess up my daily routines. Its been a long time since i lost appetite and sleep over anyone, anything. But now i cant sleep, cant eat because my mind is filled with so much longing for you.
I think of whether what i'm doing is right, every night. each and every night, my conclusion is that i'm a bitch. But darling dont blame me, for i have sank in too deep. Some nights i cut myself some slack, i allow my mind to wander into the situation when uve divorced, think about how life would be if we had our own family, own kids, fantasize about how it would feel like to sleep beside the man i love every night.
Baby, my heart is tearing apart for my love for you is overwhelming.
And today, I'm officially missing you~
With Love,
Stacy
20th May 2011
current mood: missing you.
listening: officially missing you.
You always asked me,'stacy why do you love me? what do you see in me?' I always tell you i dont know what attracts me to you. Truth is i really dont know, but i do have some ideas roughly. Firstly, i have a fetish for older and more matured guys (you must be thinking,'hey im 25!'). I like the fact that ure capable and worked hard for everything you have under your name now (although i dont know what you have under your name exactly). You told me that ur dad was a cab driver and ur mum was a housewife, from then, i admired the way you worked your way up. My dream was always to be with such a man, ambitious, capable and practical. Thirdly, darling i really like the way you look, your eyes, your smile, i love them all, they attract me deeply. I can stare at them my whole life and never get bored. I like the way you smell, the way you hold my hand, the way you act cute, the way ure cute, the way you kiss me, the way u always watch tv, the way... Just the way you are.
However, one point i love and hate is your honesty. Sometimes i wished that you could lie to me. Tell me ure busy with work instead of going home to your wife. Tell me you are smsing your colleague instead of your wife. I also hope that u'd stop emphasizing your daughter is your life (although i know very well, i just dont wna hear it come out of ur mouth so frequently)
I noticed that my msgs always go to your work phone instead of your personal phone. I can completely understand why you do this but sometimes it doesnt feel that good. But i know very well, im always your last priority. But just know ure always my first.
I promised myself that i would never let a guy affect my eating and sleeping patterns anymore after i broke up with chester. For you, i guess i would have to break that promise. You have totally invaded into my life, mess up my daily routines. Its been a long time since i lost appetite and sleep over anyone, anything. But now i cant sleep, cant eat because my mind is filled with so much longing for you.
I think of whether what i'm doing is right, every night. each and every night, my conclusion is that i'm a bitch. But darling dont blame me, for i have sank in too deep. Some nights i cut myself some slack, i allow my mind to wander into the situation when uve divorced, think about how life would be if we had our own family, own kids, fantasize about how it would feel like to sleep beside the man i love every night.
Baby, my heart is tearing apart for my love for you is overwhelming.
And today, I'm officially missing you~
With Love,
Stacy
20th May 2011
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