Hello darling, 4 hours before im flying off and im thinking of you so much.
2 days ago i attempted to break up with you, i wanted to tell you i cant go on anymore at the restaurant. But when i saw you, all my words were swallowed back, i couldnt bear to tell you anything about breaking up, cant bring myself to ever leave this man i love so much. That night u smsed me, 'dear, you know how much you mean to me. I know you will leave me but i dont want to lose you.' I told you for you darling, i'll try my best. After 2 days of no contact, i woke up at 8am to wait for your monday morning msg, waited til 10am and i knew uve forgotten. sigh, u said ure caught up w work, OKAY, i will be understanding.
On sunday night, i went out with edmund fong and his gf. I really envy the way he was so open about his r/s w her, the way he dotes on her, mostly importantly, he has moved out alr and they sometimes sleepover tgt. Maybe that is respect for the gf, who is alr accomodating the fact that he has a family. But i know thats something u can nvr do for me.
Sigh, darling im not happy w you. in fact, im miserable.
but i still cannot let you go, i love you.
With Love,
Stacy
27th June 2011
Monday, 27 June 2011
Friday, 17 June 2011
Closure
Darling im not sure whether you will ever see this blog (becos i may not be telling you about it given that there are actually so little posts accumulated) this is gonna be a long long post i suppose, telling you all my feelings which i dont know whether you care about or not.
Firstly, i must tell you darling i rly love you, probably more than anyone i have loved before. But i know i have to drag myself out of this bad romance, sooner the better because the longer this goes on, the deeper i will fall into this pithole. With you, i cannot feel any love, not even the bare minimum for me to pull through the days without you. I feel that ure just using me as a sex toy really, free sex. Frankly speaking, even when you go KTV or Geylang u also need to pay, but to you, im just as good as free. Outside of the hotel, u treat it as we're just distant friends, i know u made an effort to hold my hand but i also know u feel v uneasy and uncomfortable. It feels that you only want the BEST of me, but not the REST of me. Darling u are my BOYFRIEND, i need recognition and love from you as a boyfriend, we are not just sex partners you know?
I need more attention and effort from you, you told me you will squeeze time to meet me as much as possible in the week, but u merely went for the bare minimum of once per week! Sigh. I know whatever that hurts me will not hurt you, as you said, u have an iron heart, if i exited from your life, im sure u can move on very well, u will not sense the difference in your life, in fact, i think u'd feel a sense of relief that u can finally stop cooking up lies to ur wife.
Remember i asked u before what will happen if i ever left a love bite on you? you told me right in th face that u will break up with me. Did u have any idea how hurt i was at that time? You are always so insensitive towards my feelings. Like how u always msg ur wife when ure in bed with me. You said not being itimate in the public w me is respect for your wife. But do u even respect ME at all? I have to bear all the shit in this r/s. You have the joy in ur life, your wife has her perfect hubby and i have to be the one accomodating everything that happens and provide free sex. Seriously i dont know why am i doing this. Yes i admit i truly love you, but my love is not reciprocated at all i really dno what to do anymore. I have to leave.
Im sorry darling i cant go on anymore.
My last loving to you is to leave you. (hope ure having an enjoyable time now in msia)
With Love,
Stacy
18th June 2011
Firstly, i must tell you darling i rly love you, probably more than anyone i have loved before. But i know i have to drag myself out of this bad romance, sooner the better because the longer this goes on, the deeper i will fall into this pithole. With you, i cannot feel any love, not even the bare minimum for me to pull through the days without you. I feel that ure just using me as a sex toy really, free sex. Frankly speaking, even when you go KTV or Geylang u also need to pay, but to you, im just as good as free. Outside of the hotel, u treat it as we're just distant friends, i know u made an effort to hold my hand but i also know u feel v uneasy and uncomfortable. It feels that you only want the BEST of me, but not the REST of me. Darling u are my BOYFRIEND, i need recognition and love from you as a boyfriend, we are not just sex partners you know?
I need more attention and effort from you, you told me you will squeeze time to meet me as much as possible in the week, but u merely went for the bare minimum of once per week! Sigh. I know whatever that hurts me will not hurt you, as you said, u have an iron heart, if i exited from your life, im sure u can move on very well, u will not sense the difference in your life, in fact, i think u'd feel a sense of relief that u can finally stop cooking up lies to ur wife.
Remember i asked u before what will happen if i ever left a love bite on you? you told me right in th face that u will break up with me. Did u have any idea how hurt i was at that time? You are always so insensitive towards my feelings. Like how u always msg ur wife when ure in bed with me. You said not being itimate in the public w me is respect for your wife. But do u even respect ME at all? I have to bear all the shit in this r/s. You have the joy in ur life, your wife has her perfect hubby and i have to be the one accomodating everything that happens and provide free sex. Seriously i dont know why am i doing this. Yes i admit i truly love you, but my love is not reciprocated at all i really dno what to do anymore. I have to leave.
Im sorry darling i cant go on anymore.
My last loving to you is to leave you. (hope ure having an enjoyable time now in msia)
With Love,
Stacy
18th June 2011
Saturday, 4 June 2011
Hello darling its been a long time since i updated so sorry! ):
Its a sunday again, a no-you day. my my... i miss you so much
i went out for a movie w Hans ytd night (X-men), found out that you were at PML on saturday. Why din you tell me? Or at least drop me a msg since ure not at home. Oh and April was there too. Sigh i dont feel good. I know its stupid to be jealous over other girls given you alr have a wife and all. But i still am ):
I really wish you had more time for me. You promised u'd squeeze time for me but you din. You went for the bare minimum, once per week. Nevermind darling i'll take that. And recently it seems that uve lost interest in me, u dont sms me every morning, u dont tell me u miss me, u dont tell me u love me. I feel so stupid, thinking of you all the time, missing you all the time. I dont know whether i was really ever in ur heart.
Everytime we meet we will have to check in. i dont like it. it feels that ure just using me for sex. really. im only 19, sometimes i hope to have some real couple time too. But i know those are what u cant give. But its okay becos i love you.
Im going to Funan IT Mall at 830pm later to attend a training session for the IT fair.
With Love,
Stacy
5th June 2011
Its a sunday again, a no-you day. my my... i miss you so much
i went out for a movie w Hans ytd night (X-men), found out that you were at PML on saturday. Why din you tell me? Or at least drop me a msg since ure not at home. Oh and April was there too. Sigh i dont feel good. I know its stupid to be jealous over other girls given you alr have a wife and all. But i still am ):
I really wish you had more time for me. You promised u'd squeeze time for me but you din. You went for the bare minimum, once per week. Nevermind darling i'll take that. And recently it seems that uve lost interest in me, u dont sms me every morning, u dont tell me u miss me, u dont tell me u love me. I feel so stupid, thinking of you all the time, missing you all the time. I dont know whether i was really ever in ur heart.
Everytime we meet we will have to check in. i dont like it. it feels that ure just using me for sex. really. im only 19, sometimes i hope to have some real couple time too. But i know those are what u cant give. But its okay becos i love you.
Im going to Funan IT Mall at 830pm later to attend a training session for the IT fair.
With Love,
Stacy
5th June 2011
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